What you forgot to tell the babysitter

The first time my husband and I went out to dinner after our daughter was born, we walked out the door, got into the car, and sat in the driveway as my husband fretted over how our daughter was doing with the babysitter. “Did you see?” he said. “She looked sad when we left.” After a few minutes elapsed, he still had not started the car engine. Finally, to allay his fears, I told him to sneak back to the house and peek into the window. He came back amazed. “She’s fine,” he said with relief.

Finding someone to appropriately look after your child can be a difficult task. Even if you resist the urge to run back and check on your child when you leave the house, you may wonder as you pull away if there is anything you forgot to tell the babysitter. Chances are, you didn’t think of much beyond leaving your cell phone number and the name of your destination. Linda Miller, a nurse who taught a babysitting course for years for Child, Home, and Community (a United Way agency serving Bucks and Montgomery Country, Pennsylvania), shares with us the information she leaves her own babysitters:

Parents’ cell numbers

Kids’ names, ages and birthdays

House address (chances are, if your sitter lives down the street, she or he doesn’t know your house number)

The full name of the town you live in (is it Borough or Township?) In Nurse Miller’s case, there is a street of the same name in the neighboring township. Ever since the pizza delivery guy went to the wrong house one hungry night, her family is careful to be very clear as to where they live.

The nearest cross street. This important piece of information helps emergency responders confirm they are heading to the correct address. (It could also be helpful if your sitter is old enough to order pizza!)

Where you are going – name and address and phone number.

Phone number to call in an emergency: For most it is 911

Poison control center phone number : 1-800-222-1222

Height and weight of each child – for emergency medication administration

Allergies – to Foods and Medications

Since seconds count in an emergency, even if your sitter is a regular fixture in your home, it doesn’t hurt to point out the safety information each time, should he or she need it.

Remember to bring your sitter’s cell phone number with you so you can reach her, in case you cannot get through on your own house phone.

When is my child old enough to babysit?

Somehow the years passed quickly, and the tables have turned. My daughter herself is a babysitter. How will you know when your own child is old enough to babysit? First ask yourself whether he will be too scared to stay home without an adult. Then ask yourself if he can solve problems on his own. The age that kids start to babysit themselves or younger siblings varies. Ultimately parents need to judge their child’s maturity for themselves. Tweens can be mature enough to babysit themselves and a younger sibling for short period of time. In fact, the American Red Cross babysitting training course (which can be taken online) is offered to kids 11 years and older. Even if your child is not babysitting anyone else, but staying by himself at home, a course will give your child valuable self-care tips.

Outline specific Do’s and Don’ts for your child. Walk them through what to do if the doorbell rings or if the phone rings. What activities are they allowed to do? Are they allowed to eat? Cook? Can friends come over? What will they do in a power outage? What if someone gets injured or sick while you are out? Familiarize him with basic first aid.

Keep anything which is potentially harmful such as medications, guns, and alcohol inaccessible. Make sure you are comfortable with parental controls for computers and the television.

And of course…give them Nurse Miller’s list from above.

Naline Lai, MD with Julie Kardos, MD
©2013 Two Peds in a Pod®

 In honor of  Father’s Day, we would love to hear your anecdotes of any “Doctor Dad” moments your children have experienced.  Tell us about how your child’s dad or any father figure in your child’s life helped your child through a tough time, an illness, or an injury. Send us your anecdotes to twopedsinapod@gmail.com by June 4 and we will include the top stories in our Father’s Day post. 

Thank you in advance,

Drs. Kardos and Lai   

This Mother’s Day we bring you definitions inspired by our children and our patients. Don’t think we’ll out-hip Urban Dictionary, but we’re moms…. by definition we are not hip. Enjoy your day.

Sleep walker: the daytime state of a new mom.

Sweater: a garment worn by a child when his mother feels cold.

Displacement:  a vacation with toddlers.

Sick: something moms are not allowed to become.

WOW: MOM upside-down.

Mommometer: a mom’s hand on a feverish forehead.

One zillion: number of times a mom says “wash your hands” to her children over the course of their childhoods.

Yesterday: when the sports/camp/school field trip form was due.
Today: when the child hands the mom the sports/camp/school field trip form.

Working mother: Every Mom

Water torture: a grade-school son’s interpretation of a mom’s announcement of “shower night.”

Boomerang: a mom’s realization that her child is acting like she did at the same age.

Happy Mother’s Day from your two Pediatrician Moms,

Julie Kardos, MD and Naline Lai, MD

©2013 Two Peds in a Pod®

About half of all children in the United States with an autistic spectrum disorder are diagnosed at age five or older according to a May 2012, NCHS (National Center for Health Statistics) data brief. However, many parents are suspicious much sooner. As part of autism awareness month, we bring you clues in toddler development that can alert you to a potential issue. This post follows up on our earlier post “How can I tell if my baby has autism?”

Pediatricians often use a questionnaire called the M-CHAT (Modified Checklist for Autism in Toddlers) as a screening tool . This test can be downloaded for free. In our office we administer the M-CHAT at the 18-month well child visit and again at the two-year well visit, but the test is valid down to 16 months and in kids as old as 30 months. Not every child who fails this test has autism, but the screening helps us to identify which child needs further evaluation.

At 15-18 months of age, children should show the beginnings of pretend play. For example, if you give your child  a toy car, the toddler should pretend to drive the car on a road, make appropriate car noises, or maybe even narrate the action: “Up, up, up, down, down, rrrroooom!” Younger babies mouth the car, spin the wheels, hold it in different positions, or drag a car upside down, but by 18 months, they perceive a car is a car and make it act accordingly. Other examples of pretend play are when a toddler uses an empty spoon and pretends to feed his dad, or takes the T.V.  remote and then holds it like a phone and says “hello?” You may also see him take a baby doll, tuck baby into bed, and cover her with a blanket.

Eye contact in American culture is a sign that the child is paying attention and engaged with another person. Lack of eye contact or lack of “checking in” with parents and other caregivers can be a sign of delayed social development.

Kids try periodically to get their parents to pay attention to what they are doing. Lack of enticing a parent into play or lack of interest in what parents or other children are up to by this age is a sign of delayed social development. Ask yourself, “Does my child bring me things? Does he show me things?”Also, although they may not share or take turns, a toddler should still be interested in other children.

Many two-year-olds like to line things up. They will line up cars, stuffed animals, shapes from a shape sorter, or books. The difference between a typically-developing two-year-old and one that might have autism is that the typically-developing child will not line things up the exact same way every time. It’s fine to hand your child car after car as he contently lines them up, but I worry about the toddler who has a tantrum if you switch the blue for the green car in the lineup.

Two-year-olds should speak in 2-3 word sentences or phrases that communicate their needs. Autism is a communication disorder, and since speech is the primary means to communicate, delayed speech may signal autism. Even  children with hearing issues who are speech-delayed should still use vocal utterances and gestures or formal sign language to communicate.

Atypically terrible “terrible twos”. Having a sensory threshold above or below what you expect may be a sign of autism.  While an over-tired toddler is prone to meltdowns and screaming, parents can often tell what triggered the meltdown. For example, my oldest, at this age, used to have a tantrum every time the butter melted on his still-warm waffle. Yes, it seemed a ridiculous reason to scream, but I could still follow his logic. Autistic children are prone to screaming rages beyond what seems reasonable or logical. Look also for the child who does not startle at loud noises, or withdraws from physical contact because it is overstimulating.

By three years, children make friends with children their own age. They are past the “mine” phase and enjoy playing, negotiating, competing, and sharing with other three-year-olds. Not every three year old has to be a social butterfly but he should have at least one “best buddy.”

Regression of skills at any age is a great concern. Parents should alert their child’s pediatrician if their child stops talking, stops communicating, or stops interacting normally with family or friends.

It’ s okay to compare. Comparing your child to other same-age children may alert you to delays. For example, I had parents of twins raise concerns because one twin developed communication skills at a different pace than the other twin.

Although you may wonder if your child has autism, there are other diagnoses to consider. For instance, children need all of their senses intact in order to communicate well. I had a patient who seemed quite delayed, and it turned out that his vision was terrible. He never complained about not seeing well because he didn’t know any other way of seeing. After my patient was fitted with strong glasses at the age of three, his development accelerated dramatically. The same occurs for children with hearing loss—you can’t learn to talk if you can’t hear the sounds that you need to mimic, and you can’t react properly to others if you can’t hear them.

If you or your pediatrician suspect your child has autism, early, intensive special instruction, even before a diagnosis is finalized, is important. Every state in the United States has Early Intervention services that are parent-prompted and free for kids. The sooner your child starts to works on alternate means of communication, the quicker the frustration in families dissipates and the more likely your child is to ultimately develop language and social skills. Do not be afraid of looking for a diagnosis. He will be the same child you love regardless of a diagnosis. The only difference is that he will receive the interventions he needs.

Julie Kardos, MD, and Naline Lai, MD
©2013 Two Peds in a Pod®

A mom recently wrote to us: What are your thoughts on Baby-Led Weaning?

In Baby-Led Weaning, parents skip giving infants pureed foods and encourage their babies to self-feed whole foods. While there‘s little research on the merits of this method of infant feeding, there are few studies demonstrating the superiority of ANY particular method of introducing solid (complementary) food to infants over another.

It is acknowledged that even though a sequence of foods is outlined, that the sequence is a consensus not based on evidence. As a matter of fact, the old sequence is already changing in that meats to provide zinc and iron are encouraged sooner than later especially in breast-fed infants, says Chair of the American Academy of Pediatrics committee on nutrition, Dr. Jatinder Bhatia.

Here are our thoughts specifically about Baby-Led Weaning:

Starting solid foods, whether you start with pureed or finger foods, will always be baby-led. If you start with pureed foods, you allow your baby to enjoy the interaction with you until she tells” you she is no longer interested in the feeding by tongue thrusting the food out or by turning away. At this point, end the feeding.

Whether your baby learns to eat pureed foods from a spoon first or learns to chomp or gnaw on solids and turn it into a puree in her mouth likely doesn’t matter much. We don’t think that pureed foods have more or less nutritional value than whole foods. Nor do we feel that pureed foods are inherently more “babyish” than whole foods. Remember, adults enjoy pureed foods in the form of applesauce, hummus, and oatmeal as much as whole foods such as apples, grilled cheese sandwiches, and Cheerios.

Like all developmental milestones, it’s okay to help a child until she is ready to eat on her own. We put clothing on babies before they are able to dress themselves, but eventually they learn to put on their own shirts. In the same way, feeding babies off a spoon helps them until they are capable of grasping food, and later, their own spoons. Even when babies begin to self-feed, they can tire during a meal and need their parents to help.

Some kids do dislike pureed foods and go right to eating solid table food, but you won’t know unless you have tried.

The bottom line: enjoy feeding your child.

Julie Kardos MD and Naline Lai, MD
©2013 Two Peds in a Pod®

April is Autism Awareness Month. Here are some signs which may be indicative of autism in your infant. Later this month, we will bring you information about what to look for in toddlers.
Drs. Kardos and Lai

Autism is a communication disorder where children have difficulty relating to other people. Pediatricians watch for  speech delay as a sign of autism. Even before your child is expected to start talking, around a year old, you can watch for communication milestones. Problems
attaining these milestones may indicate autism or other disorders such as hearing loss, vision loss, isolated
language delay, or other developmental delays:

By six weeks of age, your baby should smile IN RESPONSE TO YOUR SMILE. This is not the phantom smile that you see as your baby is falling asleep or that gets attributed to gas. I mean, your baby should see you smile and smile back at your smile. Be aware that babies at this age will also smile at inanimate objects such as ceiling fans, and this is normal for young babies to do.

By 2 months of age, babies not only smile but also coo, meaning they produce vowel sounds such as “oooh” or “aaah” or “OH.” If your baby does not smile at you by their two month well baby check up visit or does not coo, discuss this delay with your child’s health care provider.

By four months of age, your baby should not only smile in response to you but also should be laughing or giggling OUT LOUD. Cooing also sounds more expressive (voice rises and falls or changes in pitch) as if your child is asking a question or exclaiming something.

Six-month-old babies make more noise, adding consonant sounds to say things like “Da” and “ma” or “ba.” They are even more expressive and seek out interactions with their parents. Parents should feel as if they are having “conversations” with their babies at this age: baby makes noise, parents mimic back the sound that their child just made, then baby mimics back the sound, like a back and forth conversation.

All nine-month-olds should know their name. Meaning, parents should be convinced that their baby looks over at them in response to their name being called. Baby-babble at this age, while it may not include actual words yet, should sound very much like the language that they are exposed to primarily, with intonation (varying voice pitch) as well. Babies at this age should also do things to see “what happens.” For example, they drop food off their high chairs and watch it fall, they bang toys together, shake toys, taste them, etc.

Babies at this age look toward their parents in new situations to see if things are ok. When I examine a nine month old in my office, I watch as the baby seeks out his parent as if to say, “Is it okay that this woman I don’t remember is touching me?” They follow as parents walk away from them, and they are delighted to be reunited. Peek-a-boo elicits loud laughter at this age. Be aware that at this age babies do flap their arms when excited or bang their heads with their hands or against the side of the crib when tired or upset; these “autistic-like” behaviors are in fact normal at this age.

By one year of age, children should be pointing at things that interest them. This very important social milestone shows that a child understands an abstract concept (I look beyond my finger to the object farther away) and also that the child is seeking social interaction (“Look at what I see/want, Mom!”). Many children will have at least one word that they use reliably at this age or will be able to answer questions such as “what does the dog say?” (child makes a dog sound). Even if they have no clear words, by their first birthday children should be vocalizing that they want something. Picture a child pointing to his cup that is on the kitchen counter and saying “AAH AAH!” and the parent correctly interpreting that her child wants his cup. Kids at this age also will find something, hold it up to show a parent or even give it to the parent, then take it back. Again, this demonstrates that a child is seeking out social interactions, a desire that autistic children do not demonstrate. It is also normal that at this age children have temper tantrums in response to seemingly small triggers such as being told “no.” Unlike in school-age children, difficulties with “anger management” are normal at age one year.

As an informal screen for autism, children below one year of age should be monitored for signs of delayed or abnormal development of social and communication skills. Home videos of children diagnosed with autism reveal that even before their first birthdays, many autistic children demonstrate abnormal social development that went unrecognized.

Julie Kardos, MD and Naline Lai, MD
©2013 Two Peds in a Pod®
modified from the original  2/3/2010 post

The antihistamine quandry
 Junior’s nose is starting to twitch
His nose and his eyes are starting to itch.
 As those boogies flow
You ask oh why, oh why can’t he learn to blow? 
 It’s nice to finally see the sun
But the influx of pollen is no fun. 
Up at night, he’s had no rest,
But which antihistamine is the best?

It’s a riddle with a straight forward answer. The best antihistamine, or “allergy medicine” is the one which works best for your child with the fewest side effects. Overall, I don’t find much of a difference between how well one antihistamine works versus another for my patients. However, I do find a big difference in side effects.

Oral antihistamines differ mostly by how long they last, how well they help the itchiness, and their side effect profile.  During an allergic reaction, antihistamines block one of the agents responsible for producing swelling and secretions in your child’s body, called histamine. Prescription antihistamines are not necessarily “stronger.” In fact, at this point there are very few prescription antihistamines. Most of what you see over-the-counter was by prescription only just a few years ago. And unlike some medications, the recommended dosage over-the-counter is the same as what we used to give when we wrote prescriptions for them.

The oldest category, the first generation antihistamines work well at drying up nasal secretions and stopping itchiness but don’t tend to last as long and often make kids very sleepy.  Diphendydramine (brand name Benadryl) is the best known medicine in this category.  It lasts only about six hours and can make people so tired that it is the main ingredient for many over-the-counter adult sleep aids.  Occasionally, kids become “hyper” and are unable to sleep after taking this medicine. Other first generation antihistamines include Brompheniramine (eg. brand names Bromfed and  Dimetapp) and Clemastine (eg.brand name Tavist).

The newer second generation antihistamines cause less sedation and are conveniently dosed only once a day. Loratadine (eg. brand name Alavert, Claritin) is biochemically more removed from diphenhydramine than Cetirizine (eg. brand Zyrtec) and runs a slightly less risk of sleepiness. However, Cetirizine tends to be a better at stopping itchiness.
Now over-the-counter, fexofenadine (eg brand name Allegra) is a third generation antihistamine.  Theoretically, because a third generation antihistamine is chemically the farthest removed from a first generation antihistamine, it causes the least amount of sedation. The jury is still out.

If you find your child’s allergies are breaking through oral antihistamines, discuss adding a different category of oral allergy medication, eye drops or nasal sprays with your pediatrician.
Because of decongestant side effects in children, avoid using an antihistamine and decongestant mix.

Back to our antihistamine poem:
Too many choices, some make kids tired,
While some, paradoxically, make them wired. 
Maybe while watering flowers with a hose,
Just turn the nozzle onto his runny nose. 

Naline Lai, MD with Julie Kardos, MD

©2013 Two Peds in a Pod®

Updated  from the original  post April 10, 2011

“Potty training—will it ever end?” many parents ask. Time moves in slow motion for parents teaching their kids to use the potty. For those trapped in a training time warp, take heart. It’s been almost four years since our podcast on potty training and we’re proud to report that the  parents who listened to the podcast have moved onto new parenting challenges like helping with homework. For those in the midst of training, and those who are contemplating training, this post is for you.

Children master potty training typically between the ages of two and four years. Be patient, not everyone is “typical.”  More important than your child’s age,  is whether she shows she is developmentally ready to train. These signs include:

– is generally agreeable/ can follow directions

– gets a funny expression before passing urine or poop, or runs and hides, then produces a wet or soiled diaper

-asks to be changed/ pulls on her diaper when it becomes wet or soiled- remains dry during the day time for at least two hours

-NOT because grandparents are pressuring you to start training their grandchild

– NOT if the child is  constipated—the last thing you want to do is to teach withholding to a kid who already withholds

-NOT if a newborn sibling has just joined the family. A new baby in the house is often a time of REGRESSION, not progression. However, if your toddler  begs to use the potty at this time, then by all means, allow him to try. 

Make the potty a friendly place. Have a supply of books to occupy your child while she sits. Make sure her feet are secure on the floor if using a potty chair or on a stool if using the actual toilet. If using the real toilet for training, consider placing a potty training rim on the toilet seat to prevent your child from jack-knifing into the toilet. If your child is afraid of the bathroom, go ahead and put the potty chair in the hall just OUTSIDE of the bathroom.

Have reasonable expectations based on age. A two year old’s attention span is two minutes. Never force your child to sit on the potty. If he doesn’t want to sit, then he isn’t ready to train.

Your can lead a horse to water… reward the child for sitting on the potty, even if she does not “produce.” Reward by giving a high-five, verbal praise, or a small, cheap trinket such as a sticker. Do NOT promise your child a trip to Disney for potty training—otherwise, what will you do when she learns to ride a bike or tie her shoes? Accept that she may simply enjoy sitting fully clothing on the potty singing at the top of her lungs for a few weeks. 

Let your child learn by imitation  At home, have an open door bathroom policy so she can imitate you and her older siblings. At school, she will imitate her potty-trained classmates.

Initially, kids rarely tell their parents  they “have to use the potty.” For these kids, schedule potty visits every 2-3 hours throughout the day. Do potty checks at key times such as first waking upright before nap and bed. Be sure to spend extra time a half an hour after meals or after a warm bath. Both meals and warmth stimulate poop!

A child is potty trained when she can do the whole deal: use the potty, help wipe, help un-dress and re-dress, and wash hands.
If the child refuses to wash hands after using the potty, she is not trained. Ultimately, the goal is for her to gain independent  toileting skills.  However, she will need your supervision for a while.

Important note for parents of BOYS: First potty train your son to sit for ALL business. Teach him to gently press his penis downward so pee lands in the toilet and not all over the room. Once your son stands up to urinate, he may become so excited that he may never sit down again. Better to wait until he uses the potty consistently with few accidents before teaching him to stand up. Even after he begins to stands to pee, have him sit on the potty daily to allow him time to poop.

Don‘t be surprised if your child trains for pee before poop. In fact, many kids go through a phase when they ask for a diaper to poop in. After all, it’s frightening to see/feel a chunk of your body fall into an abyss.  Dump the poop from the diaper into the potty and practice waving bye-bye.

A note about night time and naps: Potty train for when your child is awake. Your child will spontaneously, without any training, stay dry at night and during naps. Some kids sleep more soundly than others and some kids (see our post on this subject)  are not genetically programmed to stay dry overnight until they are elementary school aged. No amount of daytime training will affect what happens during sleep. Moderate fluids right before bed and  keep putting on the diapers at night until you notice that the diapers are dry when your child wakes up. After a week of dry mornings, try your child in underwear overnight. Occasional accidents are normal for years after potty training, so you might want to put a water proof liner under your child’s sheets when first graduating to sleep underwear.

Disposable training pants: We like sticking to underwear while potty trainers are awake and diapers while asleep.  A reluctant trainer tends to find training pants just absorbent enough that he does not care if he is wet. However, the pants are not absorbent enough to prevent rashes from stool or urine. Plus they are more expensive than underwear AND diapers. Explain to your child  “sleep diapers” are perfectly acceptable until their “pee pee learns to wake them up.” Use the training pants when your child is older and is  mortified by the idea of a diaper or if your family is going on a long car ride and you don’t want to risk urine on a car seat.

Above all: avoid power struggles. If potty training causes tears, tantrums, or confusion then STOP TRAINING, put those diapers back on, and try again a few weeks later. 

After the training, keep an eye on how often he pees and poops. Older kids get “too busy” to go to the potty. Make sure he is in the habit of  emptying his bladder four to six times a day and having a soft bowel movement every day or every other day.

Ultimately… you just have to go with the flow. And remember, everything eventually comes out right in the end.

Julie Kardos, MD and Naline Lai, MD
©2013 Two Peds in a Pod®

Thanks to the Families With Young Children parenting group at Congregation Rodeph Shalom  in Philadelphia, PA for inviting us out to a last week to talk about potty training. The discussion inspired today’s post. Special thanks to Lauren Rose and Rabbi Jill Maderer pictured on the right for organizing the talk and for blessing such an important topic.

The grand finale… the music blares, a giant grey mouse dances on the stage, and six full tables of kids look on a
s six children wearing sparkling birthday hats simultaneously lean over, puff out their cheeks and blow out candles on six birthday cakes.  Immediately after blowing out the candles, your five-year-old birthday boy (at table number three) runs over and says, “Mommy, I have to go to the potty.” You break off your applause to run him to the bathroom where he tinkles a few drops into the toilet. Five minutes later he asks to go again. Fifteen minutes he asks again. By the time you leave, he has asked to pee three more times.

This potty scenario repeats itself later at his older sister’s soccer game and you spend the entire game running him back and forth across two soccer fields in order reach the bathroom. Oddly, he later sits through a movie without interruptions. And despite his urge to urinate frequently during the day, he sleeps through the night and does not wet the bed.

Welcome to urinary frequency syndrome. A couple years after a child potty trains, some kids “over sense” the need to pee and need to be re-taught. In other words, you are back to potty training. But don’t panic, retraining can take only a few days. After your child’s doctor rules out other causes of frequent urination such as urinary tract infections (usually associated with other symptoms such as pain on urination and sometimes fever) or diabetes (symptoms don’t stop overnight and the amount of urine produced is greater than normal), start retraining.

You probably restricted your child’s liquid intake in order to prevent him from urinating too often. Now do the opposite: hydrate him so well that he re-learns the sensation of a full bladder. Have your child fill up his bladder and hold the urine in for half an hour. Just like when he was younger, start by walking him to the potty at the half hour mark and have him try to urinate whether he needs to or not. Fill up his bladder after each void and continue to increase increments between potty visits until he is voiding a healthy 4-6 times a day.

Sometimes stress triggers urinary frequency. Common times for urinary frequency include the beginning of a school year, a change in teachers part way through the school year, a birthday party or vacation. Stress magnifies the worry in a child’s mind that he will have an accident. We have written many school notes asking teachers to allow a child unrestricted access to the bathroom. The child’s need for “potty checking” will dissipate if his bathroom trips are ignored and the child gains confidence that he will not have an accident. Be patient – it can take a few weeks for your child to regain confidence.

Make sure he is not constipated. A distended colon full of stool will sit on top of the bladder causing the bladder to send confusing messages to the brain.

Now, the next time you visit the big grey mouse, maybe you’ll spend more time in the restaurant rather than in the bathroom.

Naline Lai, MD with Julie Kardos, MD

©2013 Two Peds in a Pod®