When the first news of the earthquake and subsequent tsunami rolled in from Japan last week, my family started to track down news of my cousin who resides in Tokyo with her husband and two sons. We were relieved to hear of shaken china and toppled bookshelves but no injuries. My nephew was on a school field trip that day and the bus was delayed, but he got home safely the next day. They were physically safe, but mentally shaken.
Even though the event may be half a world away, explaining a large scale tragedy such as what happened in Japan to children is tough; especially in this case when the uncertainty of a nuclear meltdown still looms and images of a struggling Haiti still fill the newsfeeds.
Understand that kids sense your emotions even if you don’t tell them. Not telling them about an event may make them concerned that they are the cause for your worried hushed conversations. Break away from your discussion with adults to say, “ Do you know what we are talking about? We are not talking about you.”
Tell the facts in a straight forward, age appropriate manner. Answer questions and don’t be afraid to answer with an “I don’t know.” Preschoolers are concrete in their thinking—dragons are real and live under their bed, so don’t put any there that do not exist. For a preschooler a simple “Mom is sad because a lot of people got hurt,” will suffice. Young school age kids will want to know more details. And be prepared to grapple with more high level questions from teens.
If the kids ask,” Will that happen here?” or “Why did that happen?” Again, reassure in a simple straight forward manner. For instance you can say, “Many people are working hard to prevent something like that here.” Consider answering the question with a question. Asking “What do you think?” will give you an idea of exactly what your child fears. You can also reach out to other family supports for help with answers. Say to your child, ”I wonder what our minister or school counselor has to say about this, let’s ask.”
Routine is reassuring to children, so turn off the background 24 hour television coverage and make dinner, take them to sports activities, and get the homework done.
Give your kids something tangible to do to be helpful. Help them set up a coin donation jar at school or put aside part of their allowance for a donation.
If your child seems overly anxious and fearful, and her worries are interfering with her ability to conduct her daily activities, such as performing at school, sleeping, eating, and maintaining strong relationships with family and friends, then seek professional help.
You may not hold the answers to why a large scale tragedy strikes, but you do hold the ability to comfort and reassure your children.
Naline Lai, MD with Julie Kardos, MD
©2011 Two Peds in a Pod®
